Living with the title "Missionary" can come with unspoken expectations from supporters, colleagues, and even yourself. I came to Northern Ireland with the heart and intent to work hard for the Kingdom of God and support my pastor here in whatever way I could. Upon arrival I picked up a full schedule and got to work, taking from past ministry experiences and learning some things for the very first time. By February 2020 I was starting to get into a comfortable groove where I finally felt like I was serving in a way that met my own standards. The next month we went into our first COVID-19 lockdown and the days and my work shifted drastically. I was no longer able to do all of the things that I had been doing, first, for health and safety reasons and then secondly, because nothing could look or work the same as it did before we went into lockdown. For the first few weeks that I was stuck in my apartment alone I focused on making sure that we could get our Sunday services up online. We wanted service available for our church family and anyone who might have been searching for hope in a time where things were feeling a little hopeless. As the dust settled, I realized that I had been putting too much of my identity into my external deeds.
I had replaced my identity in the Lord with the work I was doing and when I was no longer able to do as much work, my self worth began to crumble. The first lockdown lasted months and instead of focusing on the work I was no longer able to do I took the time to hone in on what I was able to do and do it well. But more importantly I faced myself and realigned my identity in the Lord. He loved us first, before we said, “yes” to following Him, before we ever did anything for Him. Psalm 18:19 says, “He led me to a place of safety; He rescued me because He delights in me.” It can be easy as people who are paid to do ministry to find value and worth in what we do for God but we must remember who we are in God.
Mistaken Identity by Kristina Keen - Missionary Associate to Northern Ireland